My Baby Rabbits Nightmare

They are not fluffy balls of goodness; they are murdering, evil monsters! 

Beneath their adorable face and piercing eyes resides one of the most deadly predators in the natural world, one that makes even I nervous for my small rabbits.

They are one of the most effective killers on earth,

They like to kill other animals for fun.

They don't understand 'no'

They are murdering monsters

They are arrogant

They are the pet of choice for evil villains

They are manipulative

They think you are completely incapable

They are the favoured pets of witches

They prance around like they own your place

witch + broomstick + black cat.

Everyone knows witch + broomstick + black cat. And if Disney has taught us anything, it's that witches are inherently evil and don't just want to put a spell on you, they want to kill you (Sleeping Beauty wouldn't have been much of story if Maleficent had done her job properly). Enter cats. The perfect heartless sidekick; they don't care whether you live or die, as long as they're getting some tuna at the end of it.

Call it miracle or adrenaline but as I write this one cat is no more. And I was damn sure that good Bruce Lee of old should have been impressed by the swiftness and precision of my strike. The cat came down; it hit the ground losing all its nine lives courtesy of my wooden hockey stick.

After the mild drama my neighbours were perturbed. First they flashed their search light through the window. The falling of the cat plus the pieces of brick blocks that followed made it sound like a little explosion.

It was my neighbor’s wife who first yelled “ogini!” three times. I just stood stiff on the other side of the fence so not to give off any noise from my side.

More questions sieved through the cool night air while I stood on my side of the fence quietly listening… “What is happening?” “Who is that?”

I was not bordered by their panicking; I stood there waiting to get feedback from them about the damned cat.

Soon my neighbour came out flashing his search light from corner to corner like his life depended on it. His wife stayed back in the house chanting different choruses “Chineke! Chineke! Ogini! Ogini! Hia! Hia!”

It did not take long for him to find the dead cat

“Na cat! Our cat… E don die”

Another round of chineke choruses followed while the whole family gathered round their dead cat.

“But this cat no de climb fence”is what one idiot among them said. 

I answered back in my mind “na fly e de fly with winch broom! Unfortunately today is its last day of flying round my rabbits, just go and find where to bury it already”

My only regret is that the cat and I didn't get to see eye to eye before its demise. For good two years the cat has been playing Mr. Smart and I painfully played loser, while its owners, my neighbours gleefully cheered it to its grave.

The story began in 2015. I had just finished my final year in college and heading home.  I bought a male and female rabbit and they were with me heading home.

These rabbits are so cute, just the perfect type of animal for me. 

Their size made them perfect travel companions and I forgot to mention, they are noiseless! At every junction/park we made a stop the rabbits drew attention. Children, adults… everyone was attracted to these guys… “Rabbits! Mr. hare! Mr. ear! Zomo! Bush meat! Meat! Oke! Ehuru! Bunny! Come and see! Mummy look! I want one!... The rabbits had a swell time, they became instant celebrities.

Back home they had a beautiful cage I made for them. And during the day they roam round the compound, chew grasses and herbs, get two or more handfuls of pellets, clean water to drink and at night they run into their cage and lay quietly waiting for the sun to rise again. They did not border no one and no one in the area knew I had rabbits. The way I kept them required little effort for maintenance since they spent most of the day time outside the cage; chewing through grasses, hoping around and probably mating too.

Barely two months after, as I tried to move a wooden box which sat outside the house I found 8 fat chubby baby rabbits hidden behind the box, covered with their momma’s hair. That was the genesis. And this rabbits will put to birth almost every other month and by the 9th month their children were reproducing too… The herd grew rapidly to 89 rabbits. All things were going well and since I had to spend more now on their pellets, I started selling some off to cover the cost.

Going into the first year with my new found hobby - rabbit farming  my neighbours moved in with their two strange pets -  a female dog they call ‘tiger’ and a male cat they call ‘beauty’ Tiger was the mad dog while beauty was the killer cat.

Beauty not long after settling in his new environment started raiding my rabbit ban. He claws, he bites and spits at my bunnies like a snake and then quickly climb the fence and zoom off into the dark.

Weeks of failed attempts to kill the adult rabbits got beauty frustrated and the rabbits got smarter too… they stayed in their cages through the night.

Frustrated it could not find rabbits, the cat called beauty would sit on the fence at midnight and send out a strange and very annoying cry… the type of cat cry you hear when watching nollywood witchcraft movies. I was not bordered by that, they cat can cry all it wants, the rabbits are staying put and I am not sacrificing my sleep.

Weeks passed, adaptation response set in … I got used to things and did not care whether the cat has stopped raiding or not. I woke up every morning and found my rabbits in good spirit then I feed them and leave for work.

So far I had sold 63 rabbits and still had 54 rabbits on ground. I just feed them and they just keep reproducing. Then, I had no knowledge of how to palpate or how to prepare for the babies.

One morning as I was feeding them I found a half closed underground burrow, another one, and another one. All three of the burrows had cute baby rabbits in them. Another two sets of baby rabbits were each hidden by their mommas behind old boxes in the back yard. These discoveries blew my mind “This is baby boom!” I might soon lose count of my rabbits.

I was happy but my neighbour's black cat ‘beauty’ felt otherwise. And soon enough beauty found how to kill those baby rabbits. The first day I found 10. Some without their heads, others had bloody scratches on their lifeless bodies… It was a total disaster!

I knew who did it, yes we all know who did… In my heart I dared him to come again.

I was up through the night working on a project with my windows wide open and my door slightly closed…just waiting for action time. At 12:20 am the evil cat cry rang through the air, ‘beauty’ showed up finally.

I ran out with a wooden piston in hand to the back of the house only to find another 9 baby rabbits mauled. I stood stiff right where I was to scan the area… and there it was – very swift and agile as it jumped to the other side of the fence into my neighbor’s house.

Beauty or Lucifer, its cup was full and I must confront its owner’s first thing in the morning.

Events didn't turn out the way I expected. An apology from my neighbours for their cat’s misdeeds could have pacified me in the first instance. But all I got was bull shit look from his wife, an I don’t care smirk and a stupid joke of ‘after all it is just being a cat’,

I replied "Really? I am not hostile towards your cat, and would in normal situation never suggest harming him. But if you want your cat to have a long healthy life. it's best to keep him indoors.” I flung open the gate and left.

I looked helpless before the woman in an attempt to make peace and save the cat’s life and I hated myself for that.

My neighbours must have underrated me as their cat kept raiding.

Raids after raids and burst of laughter from my neighbours whenever they wake up and find that their cat killed and brought home a baby rabbit got me so infuriated… at some point I wished I had a gun since all my attempts to smash the cat failed.

The cat haven enjoyed his 99 days, then my 1 day came. After the sun had gone down I was walking round the house holding my swagger stick (a wooden hockey stick), checking if my rabbits were doing fine. And there it was, the black deadly cat siting on the fence. I quickly made my move hoping things will be different. Miraculously I got very close, then with all my heart and strength I lifted my hockey stick like Moses and split the cat into two

Nine lives my foot! I was sure the cat got a very good hit and even Lucifer cannot give it another evil life 

My neighbours were villains who like their killer cat arrogantly thought I was wasting my time and there was nothing I could do to their super-fast cat that has been killing my baby rabbits

That Cuddly Kitty Is Deadlier Than You Think